


Hello Internet ;)

by pinkfrostedsprinkleddoughnuts



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-07-22 06:05:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7422856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkfrostedsprinkleddoughnuts/pseuds/pinkfrostedsprinkleddoughnuts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil plays 'Hello Internet' to get Dan to shut up during an argument. It leads to watching PINOF and discovering lost feelings, which in turn leads to a lot of sex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hello Internet ;)

“Phil, have you seen my laptop charger?”

Phil freezes when he hears Dan’s voice. It sounds like he’s just outside the kitchen, which means he’s got maybe a few seconds before –

Dan gapes at Phil through the glass door to their kitchen as Phil scrambles to shove the Cheerios box back into the cupboard.

“Phil!” Dan calls out. Phil turns around slowly, to see Dan staring at him with a disbelieving expression. “Are you actually serious right now?”

Phil slowly closes the cupboard door, trapping the Cheerios inside. “I was just... Checking... To see if we still had some left...” He says weakly.

“We?” Dan rolls his eyes. He pulls open the glass door and steps into the kitchen. “It’s _my_ cereal, Phil. We were at Tesco yesterday; why didn’t you get your own?”

Phil realised it would be absolutely ridiculous to reveal that eating somebody else’s cereal always tasted much better than eating his own cereal. “I... forgot?”

“Whatever,” Dan grunts, pushing his way past Phil and opening the cupboard. “I’m too jet-lagged from the tour to even be emotional about your mild cereal thievery right now.”

Phil slowly edges towards the door, a single drop of sweat trickling down his forehead. Dan seemed to actually be in a really bad mood, which is kind of fair considering they just got back from LA a few days ago and the jet lag was horrific. Maybe it would be best to just leave him alone for a few hours, or days. Or weeks.

“What the – PHIL HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO EAT ALL OF MY CEREAL? IT’S BEEN LESS THAN TWENTY-FOUR HOURS!”

“I thought you weren’t going to get emotional about it!” Phil panics.

“THAT WAS BEFORE YOU ATE LITERALLY ALL OF IT.”

“I get hungry at four am when I can’t sleep!” Phil attempts to defend himself, but it’s too late, because Dan’s eyes are wild like a bear’s and he seems furious.

“YEAH SAME BUT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO EAT?” Dan yells.

“It’s not totally empty! There’s still some cereal in there!” Phil cries, picking up a frying pan from the dish rack and mock-shielding himself. Part of him is sure Dan’s just joking; part of him is glad he’s a faster runner than Dan.

Dan curiously peers down into the suspiciously light Cheerios box, and then his eyes darken.

“Phil.” Dan reaches down into the box. “You’re right. There is still cereal in here,” he says, pulling his hand out of the box. “Here, I’m feeling generous today, YOU CAN HAVE THE REST OF IT!”

Dan hurls the one lone Cheerio in his hand at Phil, who attempts to deflect it with his frying pan, but ends up getting hit in the shoulder with the Cheerio rather unimpressively.

“I’m sorry, Dan,” Phil finally puts the useless frying pan down on the kitchen counter. “I’ll buy you more cereal tomorrow, I promise! Like, _two_ whole boxes.”

“Yeah, but it’s three a.m. on a Sunday and I’m hungry _right now_ ,” Dan grumbles.

“You know, we do have other food –” Phil starts to say, but he’s cut off by Dan’s intense glare.

“I wanted cereal,” Dan pouts, leaning back against the fridge and folding his arms.

“I can make you something else, if you want?” Phil offers.

“Can you make Cheerios from scratch?” Dan asks, sarcasm rolling off his tongue as thick as honey.

“You’re being a brat, Dan,” Phil warns, adjusting his glasses.

“You ate my cereal, Phil,” Dan bites back.

“Fine,” Phil sneers. It was fun before, but now Dan is actually starting to get on his nerves. And he knows exactly what to do.

He spins on his heel (stumbling slightly, he thinks being this tall may have given him permanent vertigo symptoms) and walks to his room as quickly as he can without it looking like he’s running from Dan.

Meanwhile, Dan sighs and peels himself off of the fridge so that he can rummage through it for food. He just wishes Phil would ask, is that too much to expect of a person who may have a cereal addiction? _Well, now that he phrases it like that_...

As he’s scanning the shelves of the fridge, he hears a small noise coming from behind him. A small knocking on the glass door. Dan turns around and sees the most horrible, vile sight he could ever imagine.

Phil, holding a laptop playing _Hello Internet_.

Dan has to watch the younger version of himself painfully awkwardly lean into the camera and then –

“HI. So, my name is: [D – A – N].”

“Phil, NO!” Dan cries and charges at the door Naruto-style, but Phil’s too quick. He slams his hand against the glass door and holds it in place, not letting Dan open the door and get to his laptop. And even with just one hand, Phil is still much stronger than Dan using both hands.

“Phil you absolute fucker open the goddamn motherfucking goddamn door right bloody now,” Dan seethes.

“Nice to meet you,” younger Dan says, extending a hand out towards the viewers and Dan internally and externally shrieks.

“I WILL GET YOU FOR THIS PHIL I SWEAR TO JESUS ON A BOAT –” And then Dan stops yelling, because he’s kind of had a quite brilliant idea, in his opinion.

He doesn’t have his laptop but he always has his phone in his pocket, and yeah, okay, all he’s wearing is a pair of boxers and Phil’s yellow _Adventure Time_ hoodie but that has pockets (what? It gets cold in the apartment at night).

Dan pulls out his phone and tries his best to ignore the loud sound of his own voice saying, “... and this is my first proper video, I guess.” He finds what he’s looking for really quickly, turns the volume up full blast, clicks play, and shoves his phone against the glass door right in Phil’s face.

“Hi I’m Phil, welcome to my video blog, which I hope you’re very excited to be a part of,” young black-and-white Phil says on Dan’s phone.

Phil snorts. “C’mon, Dan, I’m not half as embarrassed of my first video as you are of yours.”

“You’re right,” Dan seethes, determined for his plan not to fail. Phil isn’t going to win this time. This is important. This is about _cereal_ , for fuck’s sake. “Your first video is really _ace_.”

Phil shoots Dan an unimpressed look. “Dan.”

“HI I’M PHIL AND WELCOME TO MY VIDEO BLOG WHERE EVERYTHING IS REALLY ACE AND THIS BLACK AND WHITE CAMERA IS REALLY ACE –” Dan explodes.

“ – MY NAME IS [D – A – N] –” Phil yells back, both of them drowning out the videos playing.

“ – HEY GUYS SO TODAY I WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET AND I SAW A SQUIRREL AND IT ATTACKED ME AND THEN A CRAZY WOMAN CAME UP TO ME BECAUSE I ATTRACT CRAZY PEOPLE AND THEN I WENT UP TO THE ANIMAL AND I WAS JUST LIKE ‘I LOVE ANIMALS I – I’M OBSESSED WITH ANIMALS. ANIMALS!’ –”

“ – HELLO INTERNET SO TODAY I’M HAVING ANOTHER EXISTENTIAL CRISIS. OH IT BURNS! IT BURNS MY MIND!”

Dan and Phil glare at each other through the crystal-clear glass of the kitchen door, which was starting to become a little fogged up from angrily breathing.

They glare and glare until they realise that both of their first videos are ending at the same time, and YouTube is about to auto-play the ‘Up Next’ video. Which happens to be Phil Is Not On Fire on both of their devices.

“Why do you always make cat whiskers on your face?” Younger Dan asks on both on their screens, the timing ever-so-slightly off, just enough to make Dan’s voice scary rather than cute. Dan exits the YouTube app on his phone; Phil lets PINOF play through his laptop. Younger Phil meows on screen.

“He wouldn’t have eaten my cereal,” Dan mutters, staring at younger Phil on Phil’s heavily-stickered laptop.

“Yeah, well, he wouldn’t have been a brat about it if I had,” Phil shoots back, nodding to younger Dan on the screen.

“Well we wouldn’t know. You never used to eat my cereal,” Dan sniffs. He lowers himself to the floor and Phil follows suit, both of them sitting next to each other, separated by thick glass.

“That’s because we didn’t live together back then,” Phil replies. “Plus, you wouldn’t have minded if I had eaten your cereal then, anyway,” he adds as an afterthought mainly to himself.

Dan, always sharp even at three am, picks up on it. “Wait, what do you mean I wouldn’t have minded?” He says, eyes narrowing. Phil finally glances up from his laptop and looks at Dan through the slightly-steamed glass door.

“I mean,” Phil shifts uncomfortably, “That you used to let me do pretty much anything in 2009 and 2010.”

“I did not!” Dan protests immediately, his cheeks turning a shade of red Phil hasn’t seen in years.

Phil smirks. “You did,” he teases, pausing the video playing on his laptop. “I could do anything. You practically worshipped the ground I walked on!”

“That’s _not_ true!” Dan lies. Unconvincingly. Phil knows him better than that, and Dan knows it. Dan’s cheeks heat up even more. He’s about to be _Danisonfire_ with how hot it’s getting in here.

“It is, and you know it!” Phil’s no longer smirking, just smiling. At least he’s turned Dan’s attention away from being angry at him. He hates it when Dan’s angry at him.

“Nope.”

“Oh come on, Dan, you used to actually _beg_ for me to touch you –” Phil stops abruptly as he sees Dan’s eyes widen and his entire body stiffen.

They never, ever talk about what they used to be to each other.

Phil has crossed a line.

A heavy silence falls over the room, and Phil is rather glad that there’s a door separating himself and Dan.

After a few almost unbearable moments, Dan speaks up.

“Used to, maybe,” Dan says softly, staring at his hands on his lap. “It’s been a few years, though.”

“You think you’ve changed that much?” Phil asks quietly.

“Enough to not be begging you to touch me anymore,” Dan shrugs, wrapping his arms around his knees.

“Sorry I said that,” Phil shifts to mirror Dan’s sitting position.

Dan shrugs. “It’s okay, it was true, after all.”

“You have changed, though,” Phil says, prompting Dan to look up at him.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“How so?”

“You got taller than me, for one,” Phil smiles, and Dan can’t help but smile back, because Phil absolutely hates admitting that. And because Phil’s smile is a literal ray of sunshine.

“And you got more confident. And funnier. And more outgoing,” Phil says, compliments just spilling out. “And more creative. And cuter. And happier.”

“And what?”

“And _happier_ , I said,” Phil repeats himself. “Which is definitely the most important thing on that list.”

“And cuter,” Dan echoes.

Phil wants to punch himself in the face right now. He is on a roll with accidentally saying things that could potentially ruin his and Dan’s friendship tonight.

“You really think so?” 

Phil stares into Dan’s chocolate brown eyes. Neither of them are smiling any more.

“Yeah,” Phil breathes.

Dan just stares back. He seems to be waiting for Phil to do something else, to say something, to make the next move in this potentially destructive game of Minesweeper.

Phil bites his lip and stands up. He could just go back to his room now, go back to bed, and wake up tomorrow morning with nothing having changed.

He doesn’t really want to do that.

Phil opens the glass door and extends a hand to Dan, helping him up off the floor.

“Are you still upset that I ate your cereal?” Phil asks, walking backwards into the kitchen and pulling Dan with him by the hands.

“Moderately,” Dan says, following Phil without any question. “I think I’ll get over it.”

“You shouldn’t have even complained in the first place,” Phil says, removing his hands from Dan’s and moving them to the bottom of the _Adventure Time_ hoodie. “If you don’t want to share your cereal, I shouldn’t let you borrow my clothes.”

“Do you want it back?” Dan asks quietly.

Phil’s long fingers toy with the hem of the hoodie. “Yes, I think I should take it back.”

Dan lifts his arms up over his head and Phil slowly, slowly lifts the hoodie up over Dan’s chest and over his head, making sure to brush his fingers along Dan’s chest as he goes.

“Well, I think this is a little unfair,” Dan smirks. He’s standing only in his boxers, with Phil’s back pressed up against the cupboards. But Phil is completely clothed in a white Avengers shirt and dark blue pyjama bottoms.

“Go ahead and make it fair,” Phil suggests.

Dan doesn’t need any more prompting. He runs his hands up under Phil’s shirt, feeling the soft skin under there that he hasn’t touched in years. Far too long. For a second, his brain tells him to rip Phil’s shirt off, that they’ve waited long enough, but Dan knows that he has to go slow. He needs to see exactly where this is going.

He peels Phil’s shirt off and tosses it on the floor next to his hoodie.

“There,” Dan says, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, “I think we’re even.”

Dan’s hands are still touching Phil’s chest, and Phil is just staring at Dan with his big blue eyes.

“Are you sure? I’m showing a lot more leg than you,” Phil mirrors Dan’s half-smirk, his blue eyes glinting behind his glasses.

“Oh, you’re right. Let me help you with that,” Dan says. He slowly sinks down onto his knees and lightly grips Phil’s hips. He hooks his fingers into Phil’s pyjama bottoms and hesitates.

If he does this, they’ll really be crossing a line they can’t come back from.

“Dan?”

“Are you sure about this, Phil?” Dan asks.

“You know I am,” Phil says. “Are you?”

Dan doesn’t move.

“Dan, if you don’t want to, we can always just forget this happened,” Phil says kindly.

He’s offering Dan an easy way out.

Well, Dan took the easy way out in 2012, and he’s certainly not doing that again. It’s been _four years_ and he’s finally comfortable with who he is, and nobody can take that away from him, especially not himself.

Dan tugs down Phil’s pyjama bottoms and stands up, blushing too hard to look. Of course, he remembers what Phil looked like back in 2009, what he felt like, but that was ages ago.

“We’re definitely not even anymore,” Phil says, wrapping his arms around Dan’s waist and moving his hands to cup his ass.

“Gonna fix that?” Dan cocks an eyebrow and stares at Phil expectantly.

Very quickly, both men are standing completely naked in their kitchen at four am on a lazy Sunday morning.

Okay, they were both in there, until Phil sprinted out of the kitchen totally naked with a call of, “Wait two seconds!”

Dan stood there, slightly bewildered, until he saw Phil return a minute later with a sharpie in hand.

“Phil?”

“It’s tradition,” Phil smiles, uncapping the lid.

“Fine, give me the pen?”

“No! You can’t whisker yourself.”

“I’ve whiskered myself a lot these past few years,” Dan says with a flirty wink, and Phil giggles.

“Well now you don’t have to. Here, let me,” Phil steps forward and cups Dan’s face, drawing a nose and cat whiskers on him.

“Now do me?” Phil says, handing the sharpie to Dan.

“I was planning on it,” Dan smiles, drawing whiskers on Phil’s face and then abandoning the sharpie on the kitchen counter.

“Can we move this to somewhere slightly more comfortable?” Dan asks coyly, but Phil shakes his head.

“Not yet,” he says, walking over to the fridge, which Dan doesn’t complain about because he’s getting a great view of Phil’s ass.

“Why not?”

“Are you still hungry?” Phil asks, opening the fridge and searching for something.

The answer is _not particularly_ , but Dan has a feeling Phil’s up to something, so he plays along. “Sure, a little.”

“Good,” Phil turns around and grins. He holds up a bottle of chocolate sauce and Dan almost chokes on air. He remembers Phil being a kinky little shit in 2009, but he thought Phil would’ve grown out of it by now.

Dan is incredibly glad he hasn’t.

Phil tosses the bottle to Dan – who almost misses it – and Dan pops open the lid. Phil leans back against the counter in anticipation, eyes never leaving Dan’s body once.

Dan presses himself right up against Phil, pushing him further into the counter, and Dan drizzles a delicate amount of chocolate sauce over Phil’s clavicle.

If this was 2009, Dan would have been physically shaking with nerves. Now, though, he knows he knows what he’s doing.

His tongue darts out and licks a long, thick line across Phil’s clavicle, lapping up every last drop of chocolate as Phil makes a strangled little moan. It’s been a long time since anyone touched Dan. He’s willing to bet it’s the same for Phil.

Dan becomes impatient and squeezes out more chocolate onto Phil’s collar bone, and Dan attacks Phil’s chest with his lips. Not fast enough, though, as chocolate drips quickly down Phil’s chest and Dan has to follow the droplets down, circling Phil’s left nipple, down further to Phil’s hips and then to –

“Dan!” Phil moans loudly as Dan suddenly takes Phil’s entire length into his mouth. Fuck, he’s a lot bigger than Dan remembered.

Phil was already half-hard when Dan had started pouring chocolate sauce all over him, but now he was fully hard, and so was Dan for that matter.

“Dan,” Phil moaned softly, tangling his long fingers in Dan’s silky brown hair and pulling gently. Dan moaned around Phil’s cock in response and Phil tightened his grip on Dan’s locks.

Dan moves his head up and down, managing to reach the base of Phil’s length despite, well... Phil’s _length_. Phil’s breathing starts to get a little heavier and Dan wonders just how quickly he can get Phil to cum, so he hollows out his cheeks once, twice, a third time –

“Dan, _stop_ , I don’t want to – to –” Phil stutters out, and Dan removes his mouth with a pop. He licks precum from Phil’s slit and Phil shudders.

When Dan looks up, he sees the most beautiful sight – Phil with his eyes squeezed shut and head thrown back, biting his lip in a feeble attempt to be quiet, hands tightly gripping Dan’s hair.

Dan can’t believe he missed out on four years of this. Of _him_.

“Can we –” Dan says, standing up, but he doesn’t get to finish his sentence before Phil’s lips crash onto Dan’s, silencing him.

Phil’s tongue runs along Dan’s bottom lip slowly, forcing Dan’s mouth open so Phil can slide his tongue in. Phil’s left hand moves to touch Dan’s neck, and his right slips down to Dan’s hip.

“Still sensitive there?” Phil asks, breaking the kiss for the briefest of moments. He doesn’t need an answer before his lips dip down to Dan’s neck, licking and sucking and biting until a dark purple bruise forms. “Ok, _definitely_ still sensitive there,” Phil chuckles, breathing warm air onto Dan’s fresh bruise, causing him to shudder.

“Phil,” Dan whines, “Please, as much as I like this, I just really want you to fuck me right now.”

The bottle of chocolate sauce is left on the ground, forgotten next to their clothes, as Phil leads Dan down the hallway to Phil’s bedroom.

“Hold on, we’re going to my bedroom,” Dan says, tugging Phil’s hand and pulling Phil further down the hallway.

“Why your bedroom?” Phil asks, following without protest.

“I’ve always wanted to fuck under the fairy lights on my bed,” Dan shrugs.

Phil groans. “I don’t know why that’s turning me on right now.”

“Might just be me,” Dan says with a cheeky wink before turning on the fairy lights.

“Yeah, you’re right, it’s definitely you,” Phil says, wasting no time in pushing Dan backwards onto the bed. He hovers over Dan, eyes raking up and down his body, just lying there waiting for Phil. “Did I ever tell you how fucking gorgeous you grew up to be?” He blurts out.

Dan’s cheeks turn the colour of the newly-formed bruise on his neck. “T-Thanks.”  
Phil moves down, pressing their chests together and kissing Dan hard, like it’s the last time he ever will and he wants to be able to feel everything. When he feels Dan begin to buck up into his hips, Phil reaches for Dan’s bedside table where there might be – yes, lube and condoms.

“Cherry flavoured?” Phil cocks an eyebrow.

Dan avoids Phil’s gaze. “ _It’s the only good kind_ ,” he mumbles.

Phil pops the cap and squeezes some onto his fingers, rubbing them together to warm it up before he slides his fingers down and circles Dan’s rim.

“Oh my nicolas cage, Phil, can you please hurry the hecky dizzle up,” Dan says, closing his eyes in pleasure as Phil complies and pushes a finger into Dan. It doesn’t take long before he can add a second, and then a third.

“Dan, are you –”

“I swear if you make me wait any longer I will never buy any cereal ever again.”

“Got it,” Phil says. Dan wraps his legs around Phil’s waist and Phil slides himself into Dan slowly, assuming it had been a while. He knew he was right when he heard Dan whimper beneath him.

“You okay?” Phil asks, planting a soft kiss on Dan’s forehead.

“Mmm-hmm,” Dan nods. “Can you please –”

Phil begins moving, slowly at first, and then gradually picking up speed.

“Oh, Phil!” Dan moans out. He reaches his hand out to give some much-needed friction to his aching and untouched dick, but Phil bats Dan’s hand away.

“I haven’t touched you for four years,” Phil’s eyes bore down into Dan. “You’re not taking that away from me now.”

Phil’s left hand stays attached to Dan’s hip, and his right moves to curl around Dan’s cock and pump in time to his thrusts. He runs his thumb through the slit a few times, using the large amount of precum there to act as lube.

Dan’s breath hitches and he instead focuses his hands on Phil’s back. At first, he’s just tracing patterns with his fingers down Phil’s sides and spine. But when Phil changes his angle slightly to hit Dan’s prostate _head-on_ , Dan digs his finger nails into Phil’s skin.

“ _Dan_!” Phil cries out in pleasure.

Dan knows he’s going to leave marks, but hey, that would make them even for the hickey on Dan’s neck.

“Phil, I’m c – close,” Dan breathes out, voice shaking.

“Yeah, me too,” Phil moans. He thrusts into Dan a few more times before coming, burying his head into the crook of Dan’s neck. He doesn’t stop moving his hand over Dan’s cock, and within a few more seconds, Dan comes all over Phil’s hand and his chest.

For a second, the two of them stare at each other in complete awe, and then burst out laughing at the same moment.

“I never, ever thought we’d be doing this again,” Dan says, his breathing returning to normal.

“Me neither,” Phil agrees. “I’m so glad I ate your cereal earlier.”

Dan snorts. “You still owe me two boxes, like you promised.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Phil says. He pulls out of Dan and Dan makes a small noise of protest. “Sorry.”

“S’okay,” Dan says, yawning. “We’ll get to do this again soon, anyway.”

“Like tomorrow?” Phil asks eagerly, flopping onto the bed next to Dan and pulling the covers up over both of them.

“Only if you buy me cereal,” Dan says. And then adds, “And wash my sheets. And me. Everything is sticky.”

“Hey, I’m still covered in chocolate sauce!” Phil pretends to be irritated.

“Your idea,” Dan says, laughing quietly. He wraps his arms around Phil’s chest, pulling him close to Dan.

“You’re still the big spoon?” Phil asks.

“Are you complaining?”

“Not at all.”

“Then shut up and go to sleep,” Dan concludes.

Phil closes his eyes with a grin on his face.

A few minutes later, Dan speaks up in the darkness.

“Oh, and Phil?”

“Hmm?”

“If you ever play _Hello Internet_ again I’m going to _actually_ kill you.”

**Author's Note:**

> hahhahaha oh my nicolas cage


End file.
